Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips

My article on when a man has light off which appeared in The Mirror three weeks ago continues to attract comments. 

Many men and women have come forward to tell their frustration, disappointment and the pain they go through in their marriages just because of impotence. 

Some women and men have left their marriages for this same reason. Some women stay but cheat, and some accept their lot and are coping with their situation. 

The question is: Would you accept an impotent lover?

Group one: Those who wouldn’t accept

Sex is what makes marriage a reality because it is the only thing you can do to the exclusion of all. It is good for the body because it is a very good exercise. Regular sex reduces your chance of stroke and heart problems by half and prostate cancer by a third. 

It improves your immune system, makes you age slowly and live longer. For women, among others, regular sex prevents vaginal dryness, and during menopause it reduces hot flashes. (read my book ‘Your Guide to Marriage’)

Regular sex in marriage is a good stress management tool because it relieves stress, recharges the body and revitalises the mind. It makes you more efficient at work. It is the deepest way to express love.  

For a woman, sex fulfils her womanhood, pleases her husband and reassures her of his love. Regular sex, then, is a strong bonding agent. If you are sexually active, it would be hard for you to break up.

In the past, women just gave themselves to their men. Today, our Ghanaian women know better and will tell you that what a man can enjoy a woman can also enjoy and even better.  Many Ghanaian women go after their men. 

In fact, women can enjoy sex better than men. They can have more prolonged and intense orgasms.

Done right, a woman can have multiple orgasms in one ‘round’ but a man needs a refraction period. Sex in marriage then has many amazing benefits and many women would never accept impotence.

Some women, including a case of a 60-year-old woman, have left their sexless marriages. 

This is very common in situations where men hide their impotence before marriage and plead that their women should go out and bring in children.

Group Two: Those who stay but cheat

Impotence is a common problem. The majority of impotent men are under 50 years and it usually happens when their women have high sexual arousal. Some women realise they have committed everything into the marriage and there are the social, financial and religious constraints. They stay and cheat. 

Fortunately or unfortunately, women can hide their indecent acts better than men. When a man does it, he is easily caught because women have intuition and can read their men easily. 

In fact, when a woman suspects her husband, in 90 per cent of cases she is right. Some even play the game in the ‘18’ with close friends of their husbands, colleagues and friends but most get away with it. 

Today, many married women cheat.

Group Three: Those who stay and cope

There are some women who appreciate that sex in not everything. In fact, sex in not among the top four emotional needs of women (which are affection, companionship, family commitment and family support). 

If you satisfy a woman’s top emotional needs she will be satisfied even without sex and stay

These women also see marriage as a covenant to have and to hold till death. Sadly, some Ghanaian men liken impotence to death; some do commit suicide because of this. 

Would you accept an impotent lover?

If you decide to accept your impotent husband, do so. Sexless life should not be enough to leave a marriage because marriage has many other amazing benefits. 

You must however not stay if you will cheat. Some impotent men get jealous enough to commit murder. On the other hand, if your lover hid his problem till after marriage and you are convinced you cannot have sexless marriage, you have every right to leave. 

We are the choices we make in life.

Email jydboakye02yahoo.com. The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of Your Guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and the Journey of Love.

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