Fixed vs. Growth - The two basic mindsets that determine our lives

I advised my friend not to praise her daughter for being smart or special but rather for the effort she puts and the endeavour she shows. She snapped back, saying her daughter was smart and exceptional.

My friend was offended by my words, thinking I was putting down her child, but I was just trying to offer some advice on parenting, something I’ve learned never to do again.

I thought that I had just discovered the elixir of parenting and wanted to share that wisdom with my friends. I had just reread Carol Dweck, remarkably insightful book–Mindset: The New Psychology of Success — an inquiry into the power of our beliefs, and how changing our most simplistic beliefs can have a profound impact on our lives.

In Dweck’s research, she found how we viewed our personality and how we lived it out, at a very young age, determined our attitude to almost everything in life. And that we fall, depending on our beliefs, in one of two camps:

Fixed mindset

Those with a “Fixed mindset” believe that our character, intelligence and creative ability are traits we are born with and no matter what we do, they can’t be changed in any meaningful way–so we either have it or we don’t.

The ramifications of this is immense: Thinking that our intelligence can’t be improved, we’re always trying not to look dumb. It leads to focusing on easy stuff and avoiding the challenges that stretch our comfort zone. We become the ultimate big fish in the small pond.

The “Fixed mindset” people are always seeking approval and for people to affirm their opinions and ways. They crave being special and so find shortcuts to be seen as smart, rather than putting in the effort to do so.

And as soon as failure arrives as it surely must, they are devastated and find it hard to recover from the setback of losing a job, a promotion or getting unexpected low SAT scores.

A kid who is smart in grade 3 and knows it, as everyone including his parents keep telling him so, will start resting on their laurels and slowly close their minds to new learning. And even worse, they would equate their effort with something that smart kids don’t do and so doing extra work is an act that is beneath their original selves.
“Their only goal is to look good.”

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Growth mindset

Those with a “Growth mindset,” believe that with effort, they can change their character, intelligence and enhance their creativity. They thrive on challenge and see failure not as being unintelligent but rather a stepping stone that is needed to grow and change.

They are open-minded, humble and are always willing to work on the beliefs that are holding them back to be able to learn and grow. They develop a passion for learning that serves them for the rest of their lives.

Here, the “Growth mindset” people don’t deny that there are others who are born with a natural talent or that some people are ahead of them in the game, but they know that through learning and effort, anything and everything is possible.

“Their only goal is growth.”

Dweck quotes one seventh-grade girl, who captured the difference beautifully:

“I think intelligence is something you have to work for … it isn’t just given to you.… Most kids, if they’re not sure of an answer, will not raise their hand to answer the question. But what I usually do is raise my hand, because if I’m wrong, then my mistake will be corrected. Or I will raise my hand and say, ‘How would this be solved?’ or ‘I don’t get this. Can you help me?’ Just by doing that I’m increasing my intelligence. “