Complacency, the silent destroyer in relationships (2)
Complacency drains excitement, freshness, affection and intimacy.
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You do not listen with understanding or make mutual decisions. Commitment, drive and passion fade gradually and the marriage becomes stale. You gradually fall apart. You take your spouse for granted and assume your spouse will always be there for you no matter what happens.
You say and do things without reflecting on them because you assume you already know your spouse and how he or she reacts to every situation. The fact is, assumptions may lead you to misinterpret your lover’s actions and feelings.
You may assume your spouse knows you love him or her and so do not need to reaffirm your love. You may, therefore, take for granted that your spouse needs to feel wanted, loved and appreciated to motivate him or her to give his or her best.
You forget or fail to realise that marriage is about companionship which requires an emotional link that must be stimulated and reinforced constantly. Like the Titanic, you assume all is well but sooner or later your marriage sinks when you least expect it.
Make your spouse the topmost priority in your life. He or she must come ahead of everyone or everything otherwise you turn God’s plan for your life upside down and your marriage will sink.
Spend time together and enjoy each other’s company. Never let your romance die or lose intimate moments. Spend time with your lover and enjoy the moments you share. Let your spouse know he or she is valuable to you. Appreciate that almost always it is the small things and gestures that spice up your marriage and make it fulfilling.
Show kindness through your words and actions. Exchange gifts often especially for no special occasions because they are signs of goodwill. Show respect, admiration and appreciation.
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Always remind yourself that marriage is worship and a vocation. You serve God by what you do for each other for life. You must never let apathy win. Complacency is like a plague. It is catching and it spreads.
You do not see it or hear it and by the time you realise what is happening, like the Titanic, your marriage sinks slowly and wonder too late what changed, where the marriage went and what you could have done to save it.
Akans have an axiom that marriage is like toasting plantain – as you toast it, you feel the heat on your hands, if you do not toast it, the plantain burns. The message is simple; you have to work on your marriage to make it work.
Appreciate that anything that is worth keeping requires work. Do not be too comfortable and take your marriage or spouse for granted but like St Paul, press on towards the goal (Phil.3;14) to be a faithful steward in the vineyard of God’s calling in the vocation of marriage.
The good book has 38 verses to warn us against complacency. ‘I will punish men who are stagnant in spirit (Zep, 1;12), ‘and I will say to my soul, you have many goods laid up for many years, take your ease, drink and make merry’ (Lk 12;19), ‘your heart becomes proud and you forget your God’ ( dt 18;14) ‘they paid no attention and went their way’ (Mt 22;5), ‘the shepherds became stupid and have not sought the Lord. Therefore, they have not prospered and all their flock is scattered’ (Jer. 10;21).
You should not be unaware of the tricks of the enemy or life issues which may appear insignificant but grow into a monster to destroy your marriage. Be watchful because the evil one like a roaring lion seeks to destroy your enemy. Resist him, firm in your faith (1 Pet. 5;8-9) as you live your marriage by God’s plan and purpose. Complacency is a common problem.
Never assume it won’t happen to you. Never assume you know each other so well you do not need to make an effort. Never let apathy win in your marriage. If you want to keep your marriage, work at it. Each day, work on your marriage and pray for your marriage.
Email jydboakye02 yahoo.com. The writer presented this write-up at a marriage seminar in Accra.