SOMETIMES we say things we do not truly mean or we speak in ways that others struggle to understand. In counselling, it is common for a client to talk for a long time before the real message is uncovered.
It takes an experienced ear to dig through the rubble of words to find the truth.
There is also the story of a young senior secondary school graduate who decided to get into a relationship.
He listed 10 girls from his community in order of preference. To the first, he sent a romantic voice message filled with lines such as, “You are the apple of my eye… you are my soul mate… I love you just as ants love sugar.”
He then forwarded the exact message to the remaining nine. Unfortunately, the girls compared notes, discovered the deception and he lost all 10. It was clear that he didn’t mean what he said.
Words can be cheap, but not so with non-verbal communication. Non-verbals have five times the impact of words.
They send messages that are more reliable because they reveal what you truly mean—without effort. You can speak to your spouse without uttering a single word, and the message can be stronger than a thousand sentences.
What is love?
The Akan saying, “Odo ye owu”—to love is to die—captures the essence of love. Love is a gift of self-sacrifice, a willingness to put the needs of your spouse ahead of your own to make him or her better. Love, therefore, costs something.
You must be prepared to pay the price of loving your spouse—not with empty promises, but with concrete actions that contribute to his or her growth.
When you make your spouse better, you also become better, because in marriage, you are one flesh.
Loving through your actions
Here are some simple but meaningful ways love can be expressed in marriage:
Make time for your spouse: The primary purpose of marriage is companionship. Prioritise your marriage so you can share meaningful activities.
Quality time fosters bonding, security, peace of mind, and a positive self-image—elements essential to human development.
Spend time together. Go out often. Share activities you both enjoy. Share at least one meal a day. Worship together and pray consistently for each other.
Play your roles well: A husband leads the home through service. He protects, provides, organises, directs, inspires and influences the atmosphere of the marriage.
Protect your spouse physically, mentally, emotionally and socially. Have a vision for your family and involve your wife in decisions. Be kind and patient. “Husbands, honour your wives so that your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Pet. 3:7).
A wife is called to support her husband. Never attempt to overtake the marriage because you are older, richer or more popular. Be a helpmate.
Contribute to maintaining the home. Be warm and attractive—not for society, but for your partner. A confident husband often has a confident wife behind him.
Support each other
God designed marriage to make us more complete because certain needs can only be met by a spouse.
Complement each other rather than compete. If a husband is physically stronger, he should help with household tasks rather than overburdening his wife.
When couples unite with their heads, hands, and hearts, their strength multiplies.
Exchange gifts: Giving creates goodwill and washes away resentment. Gifts do not need to be expensive; it is the thought that matters. Give regularly, give simply and give spontaneously. Never wait for special occasions to express love.
The greatest gift is the gift of yourself. Offer yourself daily as a living sacrifice to help your spouse become better. When he or she becomes better, you do too.
Words are powerful, but actions speak louder. If you say you love your spouse, let it show. Demonstrate your love through gifts and services and through virtues such as patience, forgiveness, affection, respect, compassion, humour and commitment.
Do this regardless of how your spouse treats you, knowing that love is not a contract but a commitment.
Email: jydboakye@yahoo.com.
The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your guide to Marriage’ ‘Love Unlimited’ and ‘The journey of love’
