Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips

Most of the time, love comes when you are not looking for it but going through normal routines of life such as working, relaxing at the beach, visiting friends or shopping.

The challenge is when you meet someone you admire when you are already in a relationship. Some find themselves caught in a love web and keep more than one lover at a time.

Imagine a young woman who went to her hometown and met a school mate. Both are in a relationship but ‘things started knocking things’ and they fell in love.

These lovers are not alone. Today, many lovers are in multiple relationships. A young girl may have three lovers – one to pay rent and utilities, another to pay for physical needs and the other for emotional needs. Men on the other hand keep multiple lovers for variety to spice up their sexual love.

It is easier for a woman to keep multiple lovers than a man because a woman has the instinct to read a man. In fact, if a woman suspects her man of cheating, in 90 per cent chance, she is right. Men have big eyes but do not see anything!

Can you keep more than a lover at a time?

Every human being is unique and has attractive features. It is possible to have many lovers because each makes you happy and feel loved in different ways. You must also appreciate that love is a verb and not a feeling.

If you love someone, you feel committed to help your lover get better in all areas of life. There are many people who need you or you may need. This makes it possible and tempting to have more than one lover at a time.

The danger

Modern technologies such as mobile phones and whatsapp make it easy to have many lovers at the same time but multiple relationships will break your trust and commitment.

You distrust people because you know you are cheating and think everybody is capable of doing the same. You carry emotional luggage of rage and jealousy, which threatens your future relationship. If you cannot keep one person before you marry, it will be difficult to do so when you marry.

You lie and keep up lying to cover up your lies. You have to keep track of names, days and events to avoid confusion. You may get away for some time but your schemes may explode in your face when you least expect it.

Multiple relationships have many problems but offer little solutions. It is, therefore, healthy to avoid it.

Getting over multiple relationships

Time with your lovers promotes bonding and makes it hard for you to clarify your thoughts.

You, therefore, need time out for a week or two and as far as possible avoid contacting any of your lovers. This gives you the space to look objectively at your situation.

Examine yourself objectively to know what you want in a relationship. List the good and bad qualities about your lovers. Draw from the list the one who best matches your needs, mission and vision. Make him or her the winner and drop the rest.

It may be painful to let go, but you can get over it after a couple of weeks.

Are you trapped?

You may think you are enjoying the multiple relationship but in reality, you are trapped and entangled in a prison you have built for yourself.

The only option is to unlock the door and walk away. If you do not get out of it, you may have a high price to pay.

Always remember that two is company but anything more is like a scene at the Makola market on a busy day. Dare yourself to keep one lover at a time.