Violence against boys, men

These past three weeks have been busy with advocacy and workshops on violence against girls and women because of the global observation of the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-based Violence. 

This advocacy begins on the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women ― November 25 ― and ends on December 10.

Though girls and women are often victims of abuse, it is equally important to protect boys and men from being violated too.

Boys (younger men) and men play an invaluable role in society.

By virtue of their physical and psychological endowment, they are born to lead, and, therefore, protect and provide for those they lead.

We risk the breakdown of society if we neglect to protect the interests of men.

Violence against men is specific acts that are unreasonably or excessively committed against them.

While female victims of abuse feel safe to report and talk about abuse, most men tolerate abuse because they find it hard to talk about it.

In most cultures, men are perceived as being strong and only a “weak man” will expose his woes.  

It has also been observed that some law enforcers (in many places) often trivialise the account of a male victim, even when injured.

Nature

The nature of domestic violence varies among men and women.

Women usually bite, throw objects, kick or punch victims while men batter and leave the women black and blue. 

While the converse is rare, there have been occasions where women are alleged to have been poisoned or murdered by a partner. 

Such incidents are usually preceded by a strain in relationships and unresolved conflicts.

Significantly, men are more likely to cause more serious injuries to women and, thus, the global effort to protect women from the potential damage.

Verbal and emotional abuse also damage men and must be condemned in no uncertain terms.

Though the risk of abuse is actually nearly equal for both men and women, one in about four men will suffer mental abuse as opposed to one out of every two women according to most domestic violence studies. 

Control is abuse and most people do not realise this.

Defining what a partner eats, who their friends should be, monitoring their every move and even spying on their phones and conversations are all subtle ways of expressing controlling behaviour. 

Abuse of men also happens when their lives are taken over by other men or women, and forced to live the life set for them.

Boys

Some parents do not consider at all that boys are at risk of sexual violence.

There are instances where boys in the care of older women are abused too.

In Boys Sports Clubs, where safeguarding has been thrown to the dogs, sexual abuse easily thrives, with the boys being threatened with exclusion should they fail to comply or even report.

Vulnerable boys who find themselves in refugee campsites and institutional care of any sort are also susceptible to being lured with money into sexual acts against their will.

This ill thrives because of society’s extensive focus on the protection of girls from predators and the apparent neglect of boys.

Men have a right to enjoy the highest attainable standard of physical and mental health, as much as women do.

That it is unbecoming of a man to weep in public is one of the norms that steal the opportunity to relieve stress.

Norms that violate men’s well-being must not be tolerated.

Laws that seek to flush out violence must be free of prejudice.

Men and women complement each other.

None wins by trampling on the other.

No wonder they say that violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

The writer is a Child Development Expert/ Fellow at Zero-to-three Academy, USA.
E-mail: nanaesi_19@yahoo.co.uk