Insecure children

Every child needs to grow up unafraid and secure in order to become all they can potentially be.

Everyone is born with special abilities, talents, hobbies, charisma and unique experiences that they need to unearth and deploy in this life to make the world a better place.

Unfortunately, some children do not receive the kind of foundation that will help them to launch out into adulthood fully exploring their potential possibilities.

Every child anywhere will thrive and have this foundation in place if they have a warm sensitive caregiver and a stimulating environment.

As resilient as they are, children can easily overcome all other vicissitudes without even noticing till later in life when they look back.

Insecurity is part of our wiring.  

Everyone is born with an inherent fear.

It is important to have at least a warm caregiver in childhood because it is the behaviour of this person and their way of interaction that creates the kind of atmosphere needed for optimal wellness and well-being. 

Primary

The wise and warm caregiver creates this secure environment by providing structures and consistent relational harmony.

Parents or primary caregivers, are therefore powerful shaping influences who have the opportunity to export their own security or insecurity to the children in their care.

Their behaviour and its lasting impression and effects on the children have a generational impact, either for good or evil.

Children are not little adults or miniature adults as we casually hear people describing them.

They are just that – children – and they have their own peculiar needs including the need to shed off their inherent fear and face life with all its attendant issues squarely.

These needs arise from their inability to provide their own basic necessities, and their inability to correctly interpret the world they have been born into because of brain immaturity and inexperience.

Though the nurturing of children is innate, it is still learnt.

That is why parents/ caregivers who are not aware of or sensitive to these needs cannot meet them well.

In spite of this, the resilient nature of children can still override and compensate for some of these deficiencies.

Experiences of rejection, loneliness, negativity, demand for perfection, barking and yelling at the child all the time and regular criticisms are few of the kind of milieu that can make a child continue in their fear till it inhibits them from being productive.

This is what happens when these factors totally overwhelm resilience.

Insecure

Insecure children/ teens show up as individuals with low self-esteem.

If they don’t shy away from a task, they will quit soon after trying if they encounter challenges.

They resort to cheating and lying to stay afloat.

They can show signs of regression by acting baby-like or sometimes hide their feelings of inadequacy by being bossy.

They make excuses for their inefficiencies, and their unstable nature makes them overly concerned about what people think about them.

This is where they give in to peer pressure.

Present

Being present in the lives of children especially helping with homework, showing interest in their accomplishments, attending events to watch their participation, are all ways by which we convey love and acceptance and create security.

Children love to be listened to.

Most teenagers who end up negatively influenced by their peers found comfort in their listening ears.

As they say, one of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.

A dismissive attitude by adults does not serve children well.

Adults must reduce or avoid parental conflicts around the child, and rather strive to model a virtuous life.

Teenagers should be encouraged to participate in voluntary service in their community.

This helps to build a sense of importance and personal self-worth.

The writer is a Child Development Expert/ Fellow, Zero-to-three Academy, USA.
E-mail: nanaesi_19@yahoo.co.uk