To love is to die for your lover
The Founding Father of the St Peter’s School, Nkwatia- Kwahu, Rev. Father Clement Hotze of blessed memory, was an American priest who left his home country to set up the school in Ghana.
With no water or electricity in the town, Fr Hotze sacrificed everything to build the St Peter's School, which is undoubtedly a leading school in Ghana.
He served in many other ways, died and was buried at Nsawam, near Accra. This writer, an old boy of St Peter's, is a beneficiary of the sacrifices of Fr Hotze.
We also have Rev.Fr Andrew ‘Nii Lamptey’ Campbell, SVD, who left all the goodies in Europe and volunteered to come to Ghana as a missionary.
He has spent almost his entire life as a priest in Ghana, and as a Catholic priest has taken a vow of obedience, chastity and poverty.
He devotes his life to shepherd his flock, celebrate mass, preach the gospel of salvation, care for the poor, sick and aged, especially lepers.
His self-sacrificing life has touched the hearts of many and brought hope and love to the forgotten. He is a living example of true love.
Akans, believed to be descendants of Jews, sum up love in a simple sentence: ‘odo ye wu’ or to love is to die. The good book also says there is no greater love than to die for another.
To die in this context is derived from a Jewish word and tradition, which means to give hope and strength to someone, especially in times of great need, without expecting a reward.
True love is essentially a gift of self. It is about the sacrifice, service and suffering you go through to put the needs of others above yours to make them better. To love is, therefore, to suffer or die and to suffer is to love.
Some ways to show your love
Be positive in attitude: Your mind is the most important weapon you have. You must, therefore, develop a positive mental attitude about your marriage and family.
If you see it as good, good things happen. Create an aura of success around your marriage and put the focus on yourself. Studies show it takes one committed partner to make a marriage work because your spouse merely responds to your actions and words in similar ways.
Bend over and be everything to your spouse. Resolve to be a burden bearer and not the burden.
Stay committed to your relationship: Studies show partners in committed marriages have greater life satisfaction. The greater your commitment, the greater your well-being and happiness.
Therefore, refuse to give up. Give yourself another chance even when you face challenges. Share all areas of your life, including your vision, time and finances.
Resolve to be the burden bearer and not the burden by doing all it takes for your relationship to grow. Always remember that it takes one committed partner to nurture a relationship.
Be a committed partner by your sacrifices to make your lover better. Resolve never to give up.
Be humble: ‘Ahobrase’, the Akan word for humility, means to lower yourself to the level of your spouse or lover even if you perceive him or her to be inferior. Humble yourself so that you can give strength to your lover. Mother Theresa says humility is the mother of all virtues.
Be patient: Let go of the urge to rush your lover when things do not go as you want. Instead, give your lover space and encourage him or her to grow his or her personal feelings, hopes and aspirations in his or her own space.
Appreciate also that a relationship is like wine; it matures at its own time. You may be impatient, but waiting for patience brings victory.
Forgive unconditionally: It is impossible to have a marriage without conflicts because angels do not marry. It appears God made conflicts part of the Christian experience.
In relationships, we behave like porcupines; we want to get close to our lovers, but in doing so, we hurt our lovers and need to forgive each time each day.
Holding grudges harms all areas of your life and your relationships. Always remember that if you don’t forgive, your Father in heaven will not forgive you.
This explains why Mother Theresa says if you want to live, you must first learn to forgive.
Some models of showing love through suffering
In Ghanaian history, we read of a great Ashanti king Tweneboah- Kodua who voluntarily offered himself to be sacrificed to bring stability to the Ashanti kingdom.
It is also known that only one of the 12 apostles of Jesus, John, died on the remote island of Patmos of natural causes.
The rest were murdered in painful ways; some were struck with spears, some fried alive in oil, some were skinned alive and beheaded, one was tied on the cross to die, one was hit on the head with a club and Peter was crucified upside down.
They all died to show their love for God.
For Christians, Jesus is our greatest model of true love. He was humble and did not sin. He loved humanity unconditionally but was betrayed, stoned, jeered, mocked, spat upon and crucified on the cross to bring salvation to mankind.
For showing his love through dying on the cross, his name will forever be above all names.
Let Jesus be your model of true love. If you have to suffer each day to make your lover better, do not change a thing because through it, God will make you strong, steadfast and complete. Therefore, see it as pure joy as you suffer to make your lover better.
Through it, you will find true love, one that goes through human understanding.
Always remember that, ‘odo ye wu’ or to love is to die for others. Each day, die to show your love.
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