Kweku Ananse prophets and December elections - Occasional Kwatriot Kwesi Yankah writes

The recent Founders Day was rather uneventful since nobody found a founder in the neighborhood.  

The most I heard were vain discussions on ‘finder,’ ‘founder,’ ‘founders.’

I even overheard a young nationalist playing with the word ‘find’ and closing the debate by drawing attention to lost and found items in our 4th Republic.

These include the word ‘founder’ which was founded by ex-President Atta Mills, to distinguish Osagyefo from others who lost their way in the search for Ghana’s independence.

The Day indeed was rather drowned in the affairs of Kweku Ananse prophets who were busy predicting the winner among two-and-half contestants currently eyeing Ghana’s presidency.

But we have come a long way since independence. While election years in other places come to life with an avalanche of scientific polls a few months to elections, we here in Ghana could be moving towards a new slogan: ‘One Party, One Prophet’. 

Hardly a day passes without a newly bleached face emerging in the social media, white towel on shoulder, pacing back and forth the dais and yelling a prophecy that could well be an inaugural lecture.

The Good Lord has spoken to him, as he did four years ago, and has said that ‘Come December 7… come December 7, uh uh..’ the audience wait with bated breath. ‘I say come December 7…,’ he wipes sweat off his forehead. ‘The new president will be JDM… oh sorry for the tongue slip; God tells me ‘It is Possibooor, It is possibooor.’

In other words, God is even familiar with the party slogan ‘It is Possibooor.’ The congregation yells in appreciation of a good prophecy.

‘I tell you this. If DMB does not win, please  burn my church.’ The meeting is drowned in shouts of hallelujah and praise the Lord. ‘I say burn my church if DMB does not win.’ Prophet says this, knowing very well that he has no church building of his own, and takes refuge on Sundays in Class Five of AEDA primary school.

Comes another Prophet WG, in whose year God has whispered ‘it will be JDM.’ God may have forgotten to add the 24-hour slogan: ‘If JDM does not become President after 2024 elections,’ says the Prophet, ‘Kill me…. ‘ he yells on the dais, looking over his shoulders for safety exits.

Not long after comes international Prophet Conteh of Sierra Leone saying: ‘A party in Ghana that goes by the name NDC will win an election, and the declaration date is December 10, 2024,’ he says.

But JDM should act with speed if he cherishes favorable prophecies, in the words of a British-Zimbabwean prophet whose surname is incidentally ‘Angel.’

He warns JDM ahead of the December Polls: ‘Stop joking with me, and call me in ten days otherwise you will lose…’ Eii, are prophecies now enabled by phone calls and collection bowls?

All this while Ghana our dear country awaits the Father of all state prophets. He has played hide-and-seek with the presidency for a while, but now steps forward as the world awaits his spiritual verdict.  

According to him, he has already determined the winner but keeping it to himself to confuse copycats. He has finally released his golden verdict which is now Breaking News: ‘JDM will challenge the results at the Supreme Court.’

Yet the prophetic profession has now become a hazardous job. One Prophet Kusi Boateng reports of threats after he dropped his spiritual bombshell recently: ‘An unknown number has called to threaten me… some people don’t fear… but I repeat: His Excellency DMB shall become the President of Ghana, and I dare anyone who wants to point the gun at me.’

Ghana’s political prophecies have gone international, and we finally become the spiritual capital of the world. Our national prophet has been extra busy of late, and has claimed that a delegation from President Joe Biden recently travelled to Ghana over a distance of 5000 miles,  and reached out to him for spiritual assistance. They were asked to return later.

Now that Joe Biden has dropped out and been replaced, it is uncertain if Kamala Harris will follow Biden’s footsteps and report to Reverend Owusu Bempah this Sunday.

Writer's email: kwyankah@yahoo.com